


no autocorrect, we die like mne

by kinglychan (avius)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 97 line, Crack, Fluff, M/M, amateur au, chat fic, cos I’m trash, idk how to describe it cos it probs doesnt exist, its based at this weird communal studio place for youths, little angst, studio, texting au, theres a lot of texting and ignorant boys, university aged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-03-01 02:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13285101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avius/pseuds/kinglychan
Summary: Everyone in the 97 Line group chat thinks Minghao is dating Junhui so they never bring it up. Minghao thinks everyone thinks he’s straight so he talks abt his gay crush constantly. Mingyu thinks Minghao is cute so he wants to very much not exist. But that's all hard to keep under wraps when they begin rehearsing a special performance for the studio's showcase.eight memeable boys meander through friendship and relationships and their lives at a communal performing arts studio.





	1. (@kmpbwk) changed the chat name to boogieing bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was sad bc of the lack of gyuhao centric text fics even tho there are millions so here i am. this is short and i dunno if i'll stick w this so please lmk if this is worth continuing! 
> 
> im still settling on formatting cos its my first text fic and i cbf to add timestamps but the texts are really quick and so some convos get split cos that's the reality we live in.

_**21:03:** **new chat**_

@gyeomeo added @kpmbwk, @goldenclosetkook, @seodkmin, @gyumin97, @minghaoboutno to the chat.

@kmpbwk changed the chat name to _**boogieing bois**_

@kmpbwk named **bamboozled** (@kmpbwk), **chicken yugget** (@gyeomeo), **sunshine** (@seodkmin), **subtle** (@gyumin97), **savage** (@minghaoboutno), and **chokemewthemthighsbbyboy** (@goldenclosetkook) 

 

**_21:05: boogieing bois_ **

**bamboozled:** istg if i get one more tanya commenting on my legs imma cut a bitch like soz susan that you think your thighs are fat do you want me to compliment your cankles karen bc i never fucking noticed my legs are long

 **bamboozled:** but alsO WELCOME TO BOOGIEING BOIS

 **chicken yugget:** bam

 **chicken yugget:** chill

 **sunshine:** why does boogieing look so wrong

 **bamboozled:** says you yuggie

 **sunshine:** also hi!! :D

 **bamboozled:** its been two seconds and youre already validating your name im a genius

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** i,,,,

 **subtle:** bambam, care to explain?

 **bamboozled:** oh right yeah, a new kid came into the tots class clinging to his mums fatass leg for life he was eager to dance but like all four year olds petrified of the lankiest string bean hes ever seen in front of him with silver ass hair and his mum takes that opportunity to go wow your legs are quite long

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** how tf did you type that in less than a min

 **chicken yugget:** he meant explain that chat you fuckwit

 **subtle:** ^ yep but also reLaTeABLe

 **bamboozled:** rood i was severely hurt by leslies words

 **sunshine:** im sure she meant it as a compliment ^^

 **bamboozled:** t y s m

 **bamboozled:** light of my life

 **bamboozled:** owner of my heart

 **bamboozled:** stealer of my flower

 **sunshine:** e w fuck no

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** did you break dk

 **savage:** lol nah

 **savage:** thats just

 **savage:** good ole minnie

 **sunshine:** eyy haohao did you order already

 **bamboozled:** hey minghao sorry for this mess

 **subtle:** no one’s gunna explain this said mess?

 **savage:** ya just waiting now gyu you said pork right

 **subtle:** hao no wtf i said beef like twelve times

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** ?

 **sunshine:** its for dinner

 **chicken yugget:** focus guys

 **bamboozled:** the important thing is this random white woman annoyed me

 **chicken yugget:** no bam

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** not a single person here cares

 **sunshine:** i care a lil

 **bamboozled:** bless

 **subtle:** istg hao were you even fucking listening to me

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** the important thing is explaining whatever the fuck this is and why my nickname is t ha  t

 **chicken yugget:** i mean the nickname is self explanatory

 **bamboozled:** ^

 **sunshine:** ^^

 **subtle:** ^^^

 **savage:** fuck off mingyu i was and you didnt say beef

 **sunshine:** keep it out of this chat hao

 **subtle:** fuck you i did so

 **bamboozled:** but yuggles and i have been wanting to create this chat f o r e v e r cos you guys are fucking memes and we’re the only 97 kiddos at the studio and lowkey have enough power in one chat to rule the fucking world and we all get along so well its crazy

 **bamboozled:** oh rip are you guys alrite

 **subtle:** dok you heard me say beef right

 **sunshine:** im staying out of this

 **sunshine:** you can have my beef gyu im fine with pork

 **sunshine:** now both of you shut up bam is trying to talk

 **subtle:** sorry dok, hao, guys

 **savage:** sorry minnie and everyone

 **chicken yugget:** uh

 **bamboozled:** ty seokmin but its okay

 **bamboozled:** im done

 **sunshine:** you haven’t explained all the nicknames yet ^^

 **bamboozled:** well yuggets is just funny and you three are the triple s team: sunshine, savage and subtle

 **subtle:** why am i subtle

 **chicken yugget:** its sarcastic

 **subtle:** no it says subtle

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** w wo w

 **sunshine:** it means youre not exactly nuanced to subtlety

 **savage:** it means youre dense af

 **bamboozled:** yea

 **bamboozled:** n O not again pls

 **subtle:** arsehole

 **savage:** twat

 **subtle:** beef stealer

 **savage:** i literally have no beef from or for you how is that stealing

 **subtle:** you stole the beef from my heart

 **savage:** adfgsshjhd dork

 **chicken yugget:** are they fighting again

 **sunshine:** nah theyre fine

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** ?

 **subtle:** wait but why are you bamboozled

 **bamboozled:** COS FUCKING STACY DOESNT UNDERSTAND LEGS CAN BE LONG

 **sunshine:** makes sense

 **savage:** open the fucking door im freezing

 **subtle:** hao youre being so rude youve not sent an uninsulting message yet

 **savage:** i had practice at dawn then a three hour tute then ran classes for five hours and my parents are visiting the week of my midterm ethics paper and its negative degrees and you lazy fucks made me get you dinner

 **savage:** forgive my temper guys i just need to eat

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** rip that sounds like a lot

 **chicken yugget:** yeah :[

 

 ** _21:38:_** _**three musketeers**_

 **oaf:** how long did you sleep last night

 **boutta kermit:** isnt seokie supposed to be the mum friend

 **oaf:** fuck off

 **boutta kermit:** fuck off yourself

 

 **_21:38_ ** **: _boogieing bois_**

 **savage:** okay im munchin now sorry for bein a whiny bitch

 **savage:** this chat is such a good idea yugbam

 **chicken yugget:** is that me + bammie? cos i agree

 **savage:** esp w the showcase in just over a fortnight

 **bamboozled:** yeah thats what we thought!

 **sunshine:** omg guys

 **sunshine:** gUys

 **sunshine:** we should perform together at the showcase

 **sunshine:** w our combo rap and vocals and dance holy shit :o

 **sunshine:** we’d be like, insane

 

 **_21:44_ ** **: _three musketeers_**

 **boutta kermit:** maybe like three ish hrs?

 

 **_21:44_ ** **: _boogieing bois_**

 **subtle:** dok we literally have our own classes and choreoing/writing perfs the ones we teach

 **chicken yugget:** but he has a point tho

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboy:** calm down crackhead gyeom

 **bamboozled:** itd be so lit tho

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** okay fair

 **chicken yugget:** rood

 

 **_21:47:_ ** _**three musketeers** _

**oaf:** hao.

 **boutta kermit:**  ik ik okay?

 **okiedokie:** haohao thats not good :c

 **boutta kermit:** i get it okay?

 **boutta kermit:** i had shit to do

 **boutta kermit:** oh my god stop shooting me Those Looks i literally just bought you dinner

 **boutta kermit:** what will it take ugh

 

 **_21:49:_ ** _**boogieing bois** _

**savage:** lol imagine jihoon could make a track

 **subtle:** we should ask, he might be chill w it

 **sunshine:** hdgfkjhgsj

 **savage:** FJDGSKJDSK

 **subtle:** alright he’d hate us

 **bamboozled:** whos jihoon

 **sunshine:** he was at the workshop

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** there were 150 dancers and 50 staff there dk

 **subtle:** hm

 **subtle:** half my height? he hides away in the prod. wing a lot and hangs around hosh? like really smart, he’s doin fastpaced honours dual in musical comp and philosophy?

 **bamboozled:** damn

 **chicken yugget:** how would we know someone’s majors based on impression

 **savage:** imagine a disgruntled gnome woken up from a twelve year nap in the body of an angelic five year old.

 **bamboozled:** ahH YEP

 **chicken yugget:** oH HIM

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** YES OMG

 **sunshine:** JSJFKFKGL okay then

 **sunshine:** i mean thats an exaggeration

 **subtle:** AHAHHAHA IM CRYIGN

 **savage:** yeah thats jihoon.

 **chicken yugget:** guk he lowkey sounds like yoongi lol

 **sunshine:** i think does music comp w a yoongi! small world!

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboy:** kfjdhdhd yug oh my god he dOes

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** lowkey if jihoon doesnt wanna, yoongs might give us a new track

 **chicken yugget:** fuCk imagine if hoseok helps us choreo

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** offended

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** you like my friends more than me

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** you underestimate my choreo prowess

 **chicken yugget:** like the juniors modern routine?

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** listen some of them are like 9 sure but 13 girls slut drop w ithout music

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** im just giving them a safe space

 **sunshine:** dfghkdhfjh those poor girls

 **savage:** no joke tho the mention of a slut drop makes me wanna spew rn

 **bamboozled:** bad food?

 **savage:** god no just full

 **chicken yugget:** i thought you guys werent roomies

 **subtle:** jkjdfhkj we’re not i’d die

 **savage:** fuckk off

 **subtle:** i was talking about dok’s mess but mmkaY

 **sunshine:** just cos you clean every day,,,,

 **sunshine:** nah but gyu and i are in the same building

 **chicken yugget:** how come you ate together?

 **savage:** idefk

 **subtle:** rood

 **sunshine:** we try to eat together as often as we can

 **savage:** our schedules are kinda unsynced rn

 **bamboozled:** cUties

 **subtle:** its good except that wonu cant cook for shit

 **subtle:** so they come to mine and i cook for four instead of two

 **savage:** but he was a lazy fuck and made me get takeout omw

 **subtle:** it was that or you cook and i’d rather keep my intestines intact

 **savage:** rood i can cook quite well

 **savage:** oh my god im so full

 **subtle:** if i watch you like a tot from bam’s class

 **chicken yugget:** wonu is that gorgeous med student right? piercing glaze, tight ass?

 **subtle:** jfdkhdfkjfklj

 **subtle:** fucking never say that again

 **chicken yugget:** oh sdhit

 **chicken yugget:** sorry are you guys like

 **subtle:** HGJGKHGHFJ N   O

 **subtle:** he’s like my brother so ew on both accounts

 **chicken yugget:** asdfds sorry lol

 **sunshine:** djhkfj you say that bUT

 **subtle:** dok shut up oh g o D

 **chicken** yugget: wait so you are

 **subtle:** no its just

 **subtle:** im not

 **subtle:** lets not

 **chicken yugget:** youre not into dudes?

 **sunshine:** DKJDHDJH NOPE HE’S INTO DUDES LMFAO

 **subtle:** i just meant im not keen to talk abt it

 **chicken yugget:** phew i was like?

 **chicken yugget:** hets? in my group chat???

 **chicken yugget:** unles,, some of you are? i apologise im

 **bamboozled:** youre such a mess

 **chicken yugget:** but youre my best friend so

 **bamboozled:** i shouldve left you on that street corner where you were standing

 **chicken yugget:** bUt you diDnt

 **savage:** gyu had a crush on him all throughout senior school

 **sunshine:** kkdshfGFEUHDSKJ

 **subtle:** hAO

 **sunshine:** no r e m o r s e

 **bamboozled:** fUCK I LOVE YOU DABHAO

 **chicken yugget:** im cryign

 **chicken yugget:** so we agree then? abt dat ass

 **subtle:** literally not having this conversation

 **subtle:** hao im not letting you stay over

 **savage:** good i need to go back to help jun out w something

 **chicken yugget:** dskjdk

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** im back, lowkey hobi and yoongs are on board already, what did i miss

 **bamboozled:** sCfroll up adjkskdj we’ll wait

 

 **_22:26:_ ** **_gyeomeo and julibam_ **

**salt:** not to be gay with my gay goggles on yugs but

 **pep:** hao and jun are fucking?

 **salt:** wow goals ily bff

 

 **_22:27:_ ** _**three musketeers** _

**oaf:** when are you leaving hao

 **boutta kermit:** fucking rude

 **dokie:** he just doesnt want you catching the bus at 1am

 **dokie:** its not like its not happened before

 **boutta kermit:** the buses have good availability

 **boutta kermit:** want me to walk next time

 **oaf:** no goddamn it stay or leave earlier

 **boutta kermit:** thought you didnt want me to stay

 **dokie:** ffs haohao he was joking

 **boutta kermit:** ik ik

 **oaf:** where d’you wanna sleep?

 **boutta kermit:** i wasnt joking when i said jun needed something

 **dokie:** hosh and kwannie are both home tonight so no spare couches

 **dokie:** both of you leave now so you can get home safe  <3

 **oaf:** oh no ill get mugged in the stairwell

 

_**22:34:** **boogieing bois** _

**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : okay that was a r id e

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** but its late and so i just wanna say if we’re serious about this we have like two weeks

 **chicken yugget:** fr this will be so good

 **bamboozled:** lbr we are probs the only peeps capapbke of this

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** capapbke

 **chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** but yeah lol

 **chicken yugget:** capapbke

 **savage:** capapbke

 **subtle:**  capapbke

 **bamboozled:**  capapbke

 **sunshine:** capable

 **sunshine:**  capapbke*

 **bamboozled:** was that a u tocor rect

 **bamboozled:** c o w a   r d

 **bamboozled:**  no autocorrect we die like mne

 **bamboozled:** fuck

 

 **_22:40:_ ** _**MM** _

**gyu:** dont die at a bus stop idiot

 **hao:** dont get kidnapped in the hallway moron

 

**_23:17: three musketeers_ **

**boutta kermit:** im not ded and safely at home

 **okiedokie:** im gunna sleep now you should too, love you

 **boutta kermit:** goodnight but no, love you

 **oaf:** dont stay up too late, gn dokie, gn hao

 **boutta kermit:** night gyu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its the second of feb rn and thanks is gunna be released in three days and yes im ot13 biased but  
> fuck!   
> i love xu minghao and his vocals and his dancing and his beautiful mane of a mullet!!!! come yell at me on my socials abt our talented princes pls.


	2. savage: literal fucking crackheads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get memier, side squads are introduced, and the gang discovers all gays are interlinked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god tysm for the amazing response to this! I'm legit blown away ily!
> 
> ive gone back and edited a few timeline n formatting errors in the first chap so if that bothers you can read it again. also just an fyi im a queer peep so i just wanna clarify that when they carry on abt being Extra and Gay that's literally based off me n my queer cryptid crew so byebye if youre a fetishing cishet lol
> 
> (special mention to @wenmemehui go read their svt text fic its one of my favs ily)

_**6:02: boogieing bois**_  
**chicken yugget:** whats up fuckers  
**chicken yugget:** yall wont fucking believe this shit  
**chicken yugget:** i was minding my own goddamn business on the early bus to the studio  
**chicken yugget:** then out of thin air i shit you not  
**chicken yugget:** god himself steps on  
**chicken yugget:** picture it: me, a humble kim yugyeom, sitting politely in the near empty bus  
**chicken yugget:** then the door opens  
**chicken yugget:** there,,, standing there,,,  
**chicken yugget:** bending his goddamn neck a little bc his legs were the pillars on which all gays built their empire  
**chicken yugget:** was a goddamn prince  
**chicken yugget:** and hiS hAir oh go. D.  
**chicken yugget:** tousled with the sheer talent that is unachievable by literally anyone else at that hour, not even me,,,  
**chicken yugget:** but the tousle wasnt the beauty of it,,, oh no,,,  
**chicken yugget:** its black bangs hung low on his brow,, like  
**chicken yugget:** glimmering eyes peeking from beloe th a t  
**chicken yugget:** whats better is  
**chicken yugget:** his ears kinda like stuck out the sides and the bangs made his chin rlly dainty  
**chicken yugget:** bUt w. a i tth ere’s more  
**chicken yugget:** so he steps on, wearing goddamn dance tights cos he wan t s me to di e  
**chicken yugget:** and he glances around,,, ,,,  
**chicken yugget:** and pushes his bangs bac c into a quiff,,,,  
**chicken yugget:** mind you whilst he looked like a sweet prince w bangs he looked like a Whole Daddy w it up,,,  
**chicken yugget:** th e N HE MAKES EYE CONTACT W ME ,, and sits the fuck down  
**chicken yugget:** longest nUT boi ever  
**savage** : you done?  
**chicken yugget:** hdjdjfkdj yes this god finished me off  
**savage** : ew wtf  
**chicken yugget:** listen bitch, , ,  
**savage** : im listening  
**chicken yugget:** a God  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : fyck off  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : its 6:20 i have at least another hour p lense  
**chicken yugget** : just cos your alarms set to then ddoesnt mean you get to come intO MY HOUSE  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : youre never gunna let us live down the fact you started this chat right  
**chicken yugget:**  mwuhaHAHAAH  
**savage** : tf you so loud for boi  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : mood  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi** : aight fuck off im sleeping  
**chicken yugget:** yeah nah  
**chicken yugget:** so hao why you up  
**savage** : im at the studio  
**chicken yugget:** djjdjfk? im opening today??  
**savage** : i have a key lol  
**savage** : gotta work on my solo  
**chicken yugget:** yeeee im so pumped to see this  
**chicken yugget:** i wanna have breaky but i can bring some fresh to share? im out front droppin off my shit  
**savage** : uhh? ive eaten tho  
**bamboozled** : bam heard breakfast and is now awake and keen  
**savage** : third person?  
**bamboozled** : fuck if bam knows why  
**savage** : ahdhjddj you literally did it???  
**chicken yugget** : mood  
**chicken yugget:** btwdw hao, bam we gunna honeybea’s  
**bamboozled** : oui  
**chicken yugget:** gotta get bacc on dat bus so i will return in a minyat  
**savage** : fucking crackheads  
**subtle** : says you hao  
**bamboozled** : sndnnddnnd are your notifs only on for opportunities to roast dabhao  
**savage** : gyu wtf its so early you dont have school til 10 and only night classes  
**savage** : also return of the dabhao i see  
**subtle** : didnt you sleep like four hours  
**savage** : no five  
**subtle** : okay good  
**bamboozled** : fr tho why you up?  
**subtle** : 8am paper due  
**bamboozled** : lmao good luck doing a whole paper in 2hrs at this time of day  
**subtle** : nah ive done it,  
**subtle** : gotta format, edit and conclude it  
**savage** : fec it  
**savage** : its his thing  
**bamboozled** : brilliant but also  
**bamboozled** : doing assignments before the day before? Unheard Of.  
**subtle** : meh, i have better shit to do than stress

 _ **6:37: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** stress level?  
**oaf** : everytime i blink i see monet but ive not yet leapt over the counter to steal my coffee despite having waited here for 5 mins already  
**boutta** **kermit** : okay good.

 _ **6:37: boogieing bois**_  
**bamboozled** : gyeomieeeee where the fuck are youuu  
**chicken yugget** : like a block away shh  
**bamboozled** : y A y  
**bamboozled** : i am leaving noww  
**chicken yugget:** binch im gunna be there way before you  
**bamboozled** : just orderrrrr  
**chicken yugget:** f uc K canT wait to gOBBLE  
**bamboozled** : heccin vore some coffEee  
**savage** : literal fucking crackheads  
**bamboozled** : if you dont wanna read it,,,, dont be on the chat,, bin ch

 _ **6:40: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** wanna come to the studio to finish it?  
**boutta kermit** : i can listen to you read it?  
**oaf** : i wanna but  
**oaf** : by the time i get coffee and edit and come to get it read ill have to submit  
**boutta kermit** : okay, come after  
**boutta kermit** : youll be okay

 _ **6:41: boogieing bois**_  
**bamboozled** : didnt you say you were practicing???  
**savage** : i am? i can text too  
**savage** : im mainly choreoing rn tho  
**bamboozled:** t a l e n t  
**bamboozled:** big ass dab for you  
**savage:** a dab in return my good sir  
**bamboozled:** geez whatd that good mood come from  
**savage:** ??? nothing??  
**bamboozled:** sure jan.  
**chicken yugget:** im? here? where you at boo?  
**bamboozled:** my legs are so sore buT fOOD  
**bamboozled:** fuck it im gunna jog it

 _ **7:04: boogieing bois**_  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** im alive but yall can continue stfu idc  
**chokemewthemthighsbbyboi:** oh my go d looking at this gives me a headache please can we simplify the nicknames  
**bamboozled:** b i n c h  
**chicken yugget:** ugh fine

@goldenclosetkook named **king kookie** (@goldenclosetkook), **thigh kink** (@kmpbwk) **crackhead** (@gyeomeo), **mother** (@seodkmin), **drop wonu’s** **@** (@gyumin97), **the8 dancer extraordinaire** (@minghaoboutno).

 **king kookie:** thoughts?  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** didn’t you say simplify  
**king kookie:** did i ask for an attack?  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** literally yes like four seconds ago  
**crackhead:** egotistical shit  
**king kookie:** ilyt  
**drop wonu's**   **@** : w h Y minE  
**king kookie:** wonu coote  
**thigh kink:** gay  
**king kookie:** no u r  
**thigh kink:** toofuckingshae bitch  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** thats not?? how its spelt at all  
**crackhead:** jhdskfjh i feel like we should change your name to mother  
**thigh kink:** seokmin? [REDACTED]  
**king kookie:** but also apparently mingyu [REDACTED] lmao  
**drop wonu's**   **@** : just w h y  
**king kookie:** he’s hot as fuck?  
**crackhead:** ^!  
**thigh kink:** ^^!!  
**king kookie:^^^!!!**  
**drop wonu's**   **@** : yOu wrote the first message???  
**crackhead** : mood tbh

 _ **7:18: gyeomeo and julibam**_  
**pep** : bb minghao’s been so quiet? since we mentioned the gay thing? oh wow is he? really that gay tht he’s too busy being gay w someone else that he cant relate to the gay single life?  
**salt:** maybe we should tone it down  
**salt:** asfghjk who am i kidding  
**salt:** but maybe be more considerate??

 _ **7:21: boogeing bois**_  
**king kookie:** is he single?  
**king kookie** : is he gay?  
**crackhead:** are you even single kook?  
**king kookie:** to quote the eternal bop gee by girl generation  
**king kookie:** listen boy,,,,  
**thigh kink:** SDFGH single gay culture  
**crackhead:** single gay culture is hooking up w friends’ roommates  
**drop wonu's** **@** : o h ym god  
**drop wonu's @:** like im not gunna deny but ,,  
**drop** **wonu's @:** why are you?? so insistent  
**drop wonu's @:** he’d not like any of yall anyway  
**thigh kink:** whats t h a t supposed to mean  
**crackhead** : b i n ch  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** youre fucking loud and annoying  
**crackhead:** L OUD  
**thigh kink:** aNNOY I GN  
**king kookie:** F UC K Y OUO  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** need i even?  
**thigh kink:** tooshae  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** hdskjh why

 _ **7:24: gyeomeo and julibam**_  
**pep** : bruuhhh  
**salt:** ik ik  
**pep:** hes back now that we stopped  
**salt:** ik ik  
**pep:** should i?  
**salt:** yeah

 _ **7:24: boogieing bois**_  
**thigh kink:** yo i just wanna check  
**thigh kink** : like no one is uncomfortable when we talk abt this right?

 _ **7:25: gyeomeo and julibam**_  
**pep** : way to make it seem like youre asking if theyre homophobic  
**salt** : sfkjhgkjf not my inTention

 _ **7:25: boogieing bois**_  
**king kookie:** abt what  
**drop wonu's** **@** : ^  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** ^^  
**thigh kink:** just like,, yknow,,  
**thigh kink:** being Gay N Alone  
**king kookie:** uh? have we met  
**drop wonu's**   **@** : seokmin literally outed me im?

 _ **7:26: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** what the fuck is going on in the gc  
**oaf** : ?  
**boutta kermit:** do they think i have a goddamn girlfriend or smth?  
**oaf:** ahaha idk? or maybe boyfriend?  
**oaf:** i mean you havent mentioned anything when we talk abt that stuff? idk? maybe?  
**oaf:** idk  
**boutta kermit:** lol why are you being weird

 _ **7:28: boogieing bois**_  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** lmao is that how you scope out the hets?  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire** : i just send a meme and see if someone reply with a keyboard slam or the cry laughy emoji  
**thigh kink** : FSDHJCEWKBTUIOVUEB  
**crackhead:** UDGJEIRUEWOIRGEIO  
**king kookie** : ASDFJVFNFMNGHJKL  
**thigh kink** : nO I WASNT BUT FUCK  
**drop wonu's @** : big ass (wheeze.)  
**the8 dancer extraordinaire:** kfdjhkj lmao sorry I Was Irrelevant  
**thigh kink:** nOno its okay im  
**crackhead:** #blessed  
**thigh kink:** yes thankyou yugget  
**king kookie:** wait

@goldenclosetkook named **genius** (@minghaoboutno)

 **thigh kink:** SJGFSFH ALL HAIL KING KOOKIE KING OF NAMES  
**thigh kink** : my dabbing lad,,  
**thigh kink** : ily  
**genius** : m8  
**king kookie** : oOOH FUCK

@goldenclosetkook named **m8** (@minghaoboutno).

 **m8** : ahhdjdjdjd  
**crackhead:** big mood  
**thigh kink:** one may even say: a bood  
**drop wonu’s** **@** : not even mad you used bood  
**king kookie:** whens our mother returning  
**king kookie:** i need his validation  
**crackhead:** are we not e n o U g h  
**king kookie:** no.

 _ **7:37: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** gyu have you submitted?  
**oaf:** nearly  
**boutta kermit:** dont worry abt formatting to perfection  
**oaf:** you say this every time  
**oaf:** but its a r t history theyll notice  
**boutta kermit:** perspective gyu  
**oaf:** okay  
**oaf:** sorry  
**boutta kermit:** you oaf dont apologise just finish  
**boutta kermit:** i want a coffee already  
**okiedokie:** uwu you just want to see gyuwu  
**boutta kermit:** wtf dok whend you wake up  
**oaf:** lmao stfu

 _ **7:40: boogieing bois**_  
**mother:** mother is here,,, but does he want to be  
**drop wonu’s @** : nice  
**crackhead:** :(((( dont you love us  
**mother:** no not really  
**thigh kink:** cOLLECTIVE GASP  
**drop wonu’s**   **@** : consider myself uncollected from the gasp  
**drop wonu’s**   **@:** dokie loves me and me onLY  
**m8:** hope you did your research for your paper  
**m8:** cos you clearly didnt research that minnie’s fav child is me  
**drop wonu’s**   **@:** aggahdjdj sTEP THE FUCK UP KYLE  
**mother:** lmao no.  
**drop wonu’s**   **@** : oWNED I WIN  
**mother:** also incorrect.  
**drop wonu’s**   **@:** b i t c h  
**m8:** b i t c h  
**m8:** jinx  
**drop wonu’s** **@** : jinx  
**mother:** yall aint my children,  
**mother:** kwannie is my favourite child :D

 _ **7:45: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit** : going to selectively ignore That in favour of  
**boutta kermit** : gyu submit it now  
**oaf** : okay  
**boutta kermit** : yeah? fretting wont be productive now okay?  
**oaf:** yeah  
**okiedokie:** im proud of you  
**oaf:** thanks dokie  
**oaf:** submitteddddd  
**boutta kermit:** im proud of you too gyu  
**oaf** : oof  
**boutta kermit:** did you just oof at my affection  
**boutta kermit** : am i really that mean???

 _ **7:47: boogieing bois**_  
**crackhead:** we’re gathered here today to mourn the beloved lives of gyuhao  
**crackhead:** unfortunately passed on to a better place  
**king kookie:** rid of the torment they faced in this life  
**crackhead:** id like to say a few words  
**crackhead:** riP YOU GOT FUCKEN OWNED LOOK AT THAT SMILEY,, NO REMORSE  
**crackhead:** now join me in taking a moment to reflect on their sacrifice  
**mother:** shdhhddjjdhdhs mood

 _ **7:49: softest boys**_  
**gyuie:** HSHDJDJDJD CAN TBR EA THE  
**dokie:** hm?  
**gyuie:** gYUHAO IM  
**dokie:** agagshhs rip AHAHHAHAHA  
**gyuie:** dont laguh at my pAin

 _ **7:51: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** oH MY GOD silEnce  
**boutta kermit:** oh my god am i really that mean???????

 _ **7:53: boogieing bois**_  
 **king kookie:** just witnessed a murder and now abt to be murdered in coding  
 **crackhead:** lmao gl  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@** : bye binch  
 **king kookie:** ill see where yoongs is at w a demo this arvo but bye  
 **mother:** okiedokie cant wait ^^ enjoy class  
 **king kookie:** flustered gay ill try  
 **crackhead:** isnt everyone a lil gay for seokminnie  
 **m8:** ,,,,,, lies where?  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@** : ,,,,, dont k n. ow he r  
 **crackhead:** yalll good?  
 **m8:** n o pe  
 **mother:** >/////<  
 **mother:** dont you dummies have classes  
 **m8:** fuck ive forgotten what i have  
 **crackhead:** are you still at the studio???  
 **m8:** yeah warming down now  
 **crackhead:** j e s u s are you dead  
 **m8:** na h  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@** : he’ll say that but call me at 11pm for asking for a massage  
 **crackhead:** shdjjdjf booty calling at its finest  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@:** no.  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@:** just like  
 **drop wonu’s**   **@** : sore legs  
 **m8:** mhm  
 **crackhead:** o h oka y

 _ **8:04: three musketeers**_  
**boutta kermit:** still nothing?

 _ **8:05: boogieing bois**_  
**mother:** literally how do none of yall have class  
**crackhead:** kook does  
**crackhead:** bam does  
**mother:** ahhh so thats why its suddenly so much more peaceful  
**crackhead:** heccin owned  
**drop wonu’s**   **@** : whenre we gunna meet up for this shit  
**mother:** later? we need to have an actual track  
**m8:** we cant organise a time w half the peeps here  
**drop wonu’s**   **@** : tru  
**crackhead:** okay so i was thinking  
**m8:** oh so now we’re replying to minghao  
**crackhead:** ?  
**mother:** haohao dont be like this  
**crackhead:** ??  
**m8:** no no im fine, yugs you continue  
**crackhead:** thanks minghao but? you can speak?  
**m8:** nah im good srsly  
**crackhead:** okay thanks  
**crackhead:** i was thinking maybe if make the song by thursday, we can choreo over the weekend and learn it well before friday  
**drop wonu’s**   **@:**  yeah okay  
**m8:** sounds lit

 _ **8:10: three musketeers**_  
**oaf:** should i offer to compose a riff  
**boutta kermit:** !!!!! y e s !!!!!  
**boutta kermit:** still havent told anyone else?  
**oaf:** L i sTen  
**boutta kermit:** its nothing to be embarrassed abt  
**okiedokie:** we know youre good  
**boutta kermit:** youve worked so hard at it  
**oaf:** ugh ik  
**okiedokie:** how about  
**okiedokie:** ill talk to shua abt it at Twinkie Squad Brunch today  
**boutta kermit:** are all of you even twinks anyway  
**boutta kermit:** why you gotta be Like That  
**oaf:** i mean you should be called the Extra Ass Gays  
**okiedokie:** thats?? the same thing???  
**okiedokie:** this is homophobia  
**oaf:** fr tho would you?  
**okiedokie:** of course gyuie  
**okiedokie:** i want you to be comfortable but youre really talented at guitar  
**boutta kermit:** soft hours  
**oaf:** shdjfjfksk ily  
**okiedokie:** ilyt

 _ **8:20: bi lads lads lads**_  
**gyupert binch:** why dont we have brunches

 _ **8:20: boogieing bois**_  
**m8:** okay soft hoes i gotta teach some disgruntled angsty boys how to fling their bodies around  
**drop wonu’s** **@** : you call the boys crackheads and then do this  
**m8:** ggjhgfd dont call me out like this  
**m8:** what have i done to you  
**mother:** ,,,,  
**drop** **wonu’s @** : do you want a list,,,  
**crackhead:** shit fuck me too  
**crackhead:** okay we’ll talk at like midnight then lol  
**mother:** snndndndn we’re so dysfunctional  
**crackhead:** it took you this long  
**crackhead:** aight bye binches

 _ **8:32: three musketeers**_  
**okiedokie:** ive got a lecture then brunch but after ?? we’re goin to hang at yours hao?  
**okiedokie:** shit soz haohao talk after your class  
**oaf:** thats the plan  
**okiedokie:** okiedokie time to go leArn enjoy your tutes!  
**oaf:** sjdjkfk seeya later

 _ **9:45: bi lads lads lads**_  
**dad(dy)** : is that an indirect ref to the twinkies squad brunches  
**wunkin wonuts** : did you just  
**wunkin wonuts:** why do you encourage them  
**oovoo javer:** at least he didnt capatalise  
**dad(dy):** Twinkes Squad Brunch*  
**wunkin wonuts:** hansol why  
**gyupert binch:** are we not cool enough  
**wunkin wonuts** : i love you mg but seriously  
**wunkin wonuts** : whats your definition of cool at this point tf  
**gyupert binch** : fuc c o f f  
**oovoo javer** : they arent even all twinks  
**dad(dy):** debatable?  
**wunkin wonuts** : we arent all bi anymore  
**dad(dy)** : shush son not now  
**gyupert binch** : least fav dad  
**gyupert binch** : i feel like its disgraceful to not call it that when its ran by the father of bisexuality itself  
**wunkin wonuts** : why do you think ive put up with it  
**wunkin wonuts** : we been knew  
**oovoo javer:** cheol is the only man i trust  
**wunkin wonuts** : hansol youre  
**wunkin wonuts:** im not even gunna try  
**gyupert binch** : tf you so talkative for  
**wunkin won** uts: roasting yall here is better cos i dont have to deal with the tears  
**oovoo javer** : fuck yall  
**dad(dy):** i did nothing?  
**gyupert binch:** yeah including no brunch  
**dad(dy):** b I t c h

 _ **10:12: boogieing bois**_  
**crackhead** : O H MY G O D  
**crackhead** : eyes? blessed. heart? clenched. dick? out.  
**thigh** **kink** : im in the middle of adv microecon but this is!! the content i am here for  
**mother:** literally tuition is so much why are you like this  
**thigh kink:** binch whatre you bludging in then  
**mother** : im not im omw to brunch  
**crackhead** : domestique  
**m8** : are you gunna share?  
**drop wonu’s @:** hao how was class  
**mother** : shdjjd haohow  
**m8** : alright,, im surprised theyre all still gunna perf at the showcase even ttho midterms are next week too  
**m8** : cool now spill the gay  
**crackhead** : im back at hb’s cos i live there and  
**crackhead** : bus boy is back!  
**crackhead** : i thought id never see him again!  
**crackhead** : tears are falling!  
**mother** : eyy im omw to hb’s now  
**crackhead** : liT i want a dk hug  
**mother** : why do all the gays congregate there  
**king kookie:** cos its owned by heechul  
**king kookie:** the guardian angel of gays on this campus  
**mother** : fUck youre rIGHT  
**king kookie** : ik  
**king kookie** : now spill the gay ass deets.  
**crackhead** : okay so he’s like? just sitting here,, no quiff >:((((,, w a couple of pals, lookin heccin gay? idk  
**crackhead** : he’s wearing these dress pants, as if he’s a prince and not at a uni campus cafe  
**crackhead** : which he is but he also is only at hb’s like cmon  
**crackhead** : he’s w this actual angel? the pair of them look ethereal  
**king kookie** : fucking nut  
**crackhead** : theyre glowinh?? how  
**drop wonu’s @:** hao is that  
**crackhead** : im waiting for my salads at the takeaway counter part right but theyre at that big table w couches near the window  
**m8** : oh my gyu  
**thigh kink** : whats his face like  
**thigh kink** : is he datin the other gay  
**thigh kink:** what abt the third one  
**crackhead** : first of all,,, quench thine thirst  
**crackhead** : his ears are pokey and his chin is pokey but his features are soft???  
**crackhead** : h o w  
**king kookie** : h O w  
**crackhead** : i think theyre just affectionate and flirty in the way gay bffs are  
**thigh kink:** bless  
**crackhead** : the third one is v twinky and has gorgeous round cheeks  
**m8** : choKing

 _ **10:34: Twinkies Squad**_  
**jihoom** : im like four mins away.  
**nonnie’s peach only** : not good enough  
**jihoom:** sorry bitch who’s older?  
**jihoom:** also kwan no one wants to steal you from vernon youre annoying as fuck.  
**nonnie’s peach only:** ,, The Audacity  
**korean rupaul:** …  
**uwu w a jawline:** uhhh  
**pure? you thot:** [gay silence]  
**nonnie’s peach only:** h o e s  
**uwu w a jawline:** nah ily kwannie my fav bby gay  
**korean rupaul** : uhh where you at seokminnieeee  
**uwu w a jawline** : two meters away

 _ **10:42: boogieing bois**_  
**drop wonu’s @:** @seodkmin fucking  
**king kookie:** whats going onnnnn  
**mother:** AHSJFKDJSJSJS  
**crackhead** : oh shit hey dk  
**crackhead** : oH  
**crackhead** : JrrktioewjqjsjHDIFIRIAOAOLWWJRJJRIE  
**thigh kink** : uhhh  
**thigh kink** : yuggie?  
**crackhead** : WHEEZIDNFJDKDKD  
**m8** : im  
**m8** : this is so gay  
**crackhead** : dOTN DDJJD SEOK I WILL KILL YOU  
**thigh kink** : WHAT  
**king kookie:** ((( confused gay )))

 _ **10:50: Twinkie Squad**_  
**uwu w a jawline** : my 97er friend has been fawning over you in our gc hdhjdhshs  
**korean rupaul** : ahhh young gays cant resist the allure of  
**korean rupaul:** Yoon  
**korean rupaul** : Jeong  
**uwu w a jawline** : no, shua  
**korean rupaul:** Han  
**korean rupaul** : cGHOLKES I  
**nonnie’s peach only:** he says chokes as he chokes on his iced americano  
**pure? you thot** : Aw how sweet  
**pure? you thot:** Which one is he?  
**uwu w a jawline:** hold up im here,, ill point him out

 _ **10:53: boogieing bois**_  
**crackhead** : wHYS HE LOOKING AT ME  
**mother** : mwuahahah  
**crackhead** : nO DIDIFJDKDJ DONT  
**m8** : this is Entertainment  
**drop wonu’s @:** so  
**drop wonu’s @:** yugs bus boy is actual shua  
**drop wonu’s @:**  our friend who is currently out at brunch w dk  
**thigh kink:** oh my gay god  
**king kookie:** how even  
**king kookie** : wow  
**crackhead** : he’s so? beautiful up close  
**mother** : he can see you writing this he’s standing next to you  
**crackhead** : shdjkfkf im sogay  
**mother** : Hey everyone! Nice to meet you ^^ I’s Joshua!  
**thigh kink:** ohh m y g o d  
**king kookie** : sndnndndndndndndndn  
**mother** : so thats that  
**mother** : now fuck off yugs i wanna enjoy brunch  
**crackhead** : i m  
**drop wonu’s @:** this is fun  
**m8** : big ass mood  
**m8** : yall are acting like shua’s the only beautiful boy  
**thigh** **kink** : spill the gay juices?  
**m8** : never use those words in that order ever again  
**m8** : but yeah aight  
**m8:** there is one. oNe.  
**m8** : he’s so bright??  
**m8** : like even if youre sad he’s like? no bitch not today,, his smile is so fucking infectious???  
**m8** : and oh my god i spend so much time w him and yet  
**m8** : my heart a c h e. s  
**m8** : if i dont see him in half a day  
**m8** : what the fuck??  
**crackhead** : this was meant to be my soft hours but  
**crackhead** : damn  
**thigh** **kink** : dabhao’s the only person who has soft hours outside of 2am  
**m8** : also i give him full permission for him to choke me with his long ass handS  
**king kookie:** JJSDNNSNS DID I JUST LOOSE MY HARD GAY STATUS  
**thigh kink:** sOFT HOURS WHO  
**crackhead** : literally who broke you minghao  
**mother** : wow i was gunna complain abt notifs but wow  
**m8** : if i told you id d i e  
**crackhead** : mood

 _ **11:12: softest boys**_  
**dokie** : gyuie, how are you doing  
**gyuie** : hao pretty much just confirmed he has a huge ass crush on jun if not is dating him?? how do you think??  
**dokie** : oh gyu :(((  
**gyuie** : is it bad that i almost wish he was straight rn  
**dokie** : bby  
**gyuie** : do i have to come with when you go  
**gyuie** : idk if i can stand being w him and jun  
**gyuie** : i dont hate jun its just  
**dokie** : yeah  
**dokie** : you should come cos ill give you lots of cuddles  
**gyuie** : fine  
**dokie** : ^~^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chap done wow! it was? v v v long? sorry!  
> dont forget you can vote for side pairings on my kpop twitter (link below) and also help me w plot bc fuck


	3. kooked: 178 centimeats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys gain two new members, go through a lot of emotions, and somehow end up in more of a mess without anything actually happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets pretend that it hasnt been literally 6 months (minus 8 days) since i updated this. idk if ill keep going after this but i felt guilty for abandoning half of this chapter in my drafts so i finished it. comment if this is worth continuing lol enjoy!

**_14:23: why do people think we’re exclusively dom tops_ **

**pupper:** oi

**pupper:** twat

**pupper:** cheol holy fuck

**pupper:** jesus cheol pick up

**doggo:** ?? whats up kiddo

**pupper:** i take it back never contact me aagin

**doggo:** what did you just say to me

**pupper:** oh my god im having a crisis here

**doggo:** fuck :(( gyu whats up

**pupper:** okay so limit your reactions to 140 characters

**pupper:** but ive had a crush on a dude for A While and i just think he confirmed he’s into someone else and now i have to go hangout with him and the dude i think he’s in love with

**doggo:** sudjjfkfkdjshhs fuck! since when? who is it? do i know them? will i go to jail if they mysteriously end up in hospital? are you still gunna go? wanna get icecream?

**pupper:** thats 163 characters 

**doggo:** gyu seriously

**doggo:** how bad are you rn

**pupper:** my anxiety isnt too good but like

**pupper:** seokiedokie will be there too so ill survive

**doggo:** ahhh thats good

**doggo:** text me everything okay?

**doggo:** ill get it out of seokmin if you dont

**doggo:** or the gc??

**pupper:** gOd no

**doggo:** shit who knows?

**pupper:** not the fucking gc thats for sure

**doggo:** … g y u

**pupper:** seokie and you. 

**doggo:** but i know !! nothing !!

**pupper:** exactly. 

**doggo:** text me. 

**pupper:** no choice?

**doggo:** no choice. 

 

**_14:32: three musketeers_ **

**boutta kermit:** shit min only responded to this now ahshjdkd

**boutta kermit:** but ya im outta classes now

**boutta kermit:** what time are yall coming over

**seokiedokie:** hey haohao like 10 mins?

**boutta kermit:** lit what abt you gyu

**seokiedokie:** he’s w me rn we’re almost there

**boutta kermit:** oh chill

**boutta kermit:** see you sooooon

 

**_14:41: booseoksoon_ **

**sock:** do we have plans for tonight?

**boot:** idk what solie’s doing tonite but ill check

**sock:** soonie?

**shoe:** im at the studio til eight then i think dinner w the team

**sock:** oh hao didnt say

**shoe:** fuck maybe thats tmrw

**sock:** dw ill ask him abt it

**sock:** kwannie?

**boot:** yeah so we’re having dinner and we can stay wherever

**boot:** lee seokmin are you perhaps?????? planning on inviting someone??????

**shoe:** !!!!!

**sock:** yeah

**shoe:** ! ! ! ! !

**boot:** sorry w h a t now

**sock:** yeah gyu

**sock:** shit happened i think he needs to not be alone

**boot:** oh dear thats

**boot:** :((( is he alright???

**sock:** tbh? idk

**sock:** its kinda? big? idk i cant talk abt it

**shoe:** thats okay

**shoe:** tell him we’re ready to support him if he needs us

**sock:** i will

**sock:** im with him now but he’s on his phone kinda gloomy

**sock:** uber to hao n jun’s place

**boot:** oh thats good

**boot:** he always lights up around hao

**sock:** … yeah

**sock:** i hope so

**shoe:** bring him over tonight ill buy us all pizza

**boot:** can i bring sol

**sock:** yeah i think nonnie can help cheer him up too

**sock:** thanks guys

**shoe:** keep us updated !!

 

**_14:52: why do people think we’re exclusively dom tops_ **

**pupper:** chrul shdjd

**pupper:** ic acnt so rhis

**pupper:** isms hakinsg

**doggo:** mingyu deep breaths okay?

**pupper:** pkau

**doggo:** where are you?

**pupper:** seoksbpaying the yber

**doggo:** okay breathe with me yeah?

**doggo:** breathe in

**doggo:** 1

**doggo:** 2

**doggo:** 3

**doggo:** 4

**doggo:** breathe out

**doggo:** 1

**doggo:** 2

**doggo:** 3

**doggo:** 4

**doggo:** 5

**doggo:** gyu?

**pupper:** its helping

**doggo:** can you get seokmin to text me please?

**pupper:** oaky

**doggo:** keep breathing

 

**_14:54: world’s greatest dad_ **

**min green:** yeah?

**charcheol:** seriously whats going on

**charcheol:** i dont think hanging out w this dude and is apparent bf is gunna do gyu any good

**charcheol:** he’s literally having an attack

**min green:** one sec

**min green:** ill explain it just

**min green:** i can settle him

 

**_15:08: three musketeers_ **

**boutta kermit:** no pressure at all but whats holding you guys up?

 

**_15:12: world’s greatest dad_ **

**min green:** okay he’s okay

**charcheol:** fuck i was so worried

**min green:** me too

**charcheol:** not my place to inquire but

**min green:** i can't seungcheol. you know i can't. 

**charcheol:** please i need to know how i can protect him

**min green:** we all want to help him but

**min green:** idk i feel like it's between him and the guy

**charcheol:** and the guy’s bf apparently 

**min green:** you know being like that doesnt help

**min green:** i don't even think they're dating

**min green:** gyu’s just

**charcheol:** being gyu?

**min green:** well you know how he is when he loves something

**charcheol:** he said he’d keep me updated so i’ll text you if he stops

**min green:** will do

**charcheol:** oh also before i forget,,

**min green:** me hosh kwan vernon are gunna have cuddles and pizza after his classes, if you were gunna aks abt that

**charcheol:** ugh i love you seokmin

**min green:** dont go all sappy on me dad

**charcheol:** who’s my favourite son?

**min green:** dAd ewww not in front of my fRiends oh my goD

 

**_15:19: boogieing bois_ **

**king kookie:** ugh its not even been a day and i hate our names

**crackhead:** kookie!!!!!! i missed youuu

**king kookie:** lol

**crackhead:** :[

**crackhead:** aCcePt my loVe

**crackhead:** so im at the studio

**king kookie:** barbeque sauce on my tiddies

**crackhead:** and im chillin w sicheng and jaehyun and i realised???? moRe gAy poTentiaLLLLL

**thigh kink:** isnt jaehyun like the biggest No Homo straight douche ever 

**crackhead:** hey babe

**crackhead:** but no? i dont think so?? cant help to try tho right

**crackhead:** wdy say kook?

**king kookie:** yea aight im keen

**crackhead:** ill add them after practice

**king kookie:** one sec

**thigh kink:** oWo

 

@goldenclosetkook _named_ **k(in/oo)k** (@goldenclosetkook), **gyumdrop** (@gyumin97).

 

**k(in/oo)k:** oh almost forgot

 

@goldenclosetkook  _ named  _ **owo** (@kmpbwk).

 

**owo:** why tho

**k(in/oo)k:** now theyre more representative of us for the newbies

**crackhead:** you are the Most

**owo:** vanilla person

**crackhead:** either of us know. 

**owo:** your kinks are probably just a baby boy kink and a praise kink

**k(in/oo)k:** i breathed. 

**crackhead:** see? not even into choking

**k(in/oo)k:** shdjjdjsghsjd

 

**_14:52: why do people think we’re exclusively dom tops_ **

**pupper:** yknow how i told seokie i could do this?

**doggo:** its okay gyu

**doggo:** you dont always have to be okay

**pupper:** no like

**pupper:** i think i can do this

**doggo:** oh gyu im so proud of you

**pupper:** aight dont go soft

**doggo:**  but im The Softest 

**pupper:** he’s being surprisingly chill around his supposed bf

**pupper:** like they keep whispering thats kinda their Dynamic yanno

**doggo:** yeah okay that seems fair

**doggo:** what are you lot doing anyway

**pupper:** just a catchup. we’re playing boardgames uwu

**doggo:** wait

 

**_15:08: yeah we gay keep scrolling_ **

**hubby #1:** babes

**hubby #3:** Mhm

**hubby #2:** fucking hell cheol

**hubby #2:** i was abt to eat his bussy

**hubby #1:** oh rip

**hubby #1:** moment of silence for the shua bussy lost, but never forgotten

**hubby #2:** god youre gay

**hubby #1:** stfu as if his bussy isnt the best bussy in town

**hubby #3:** Damn right it is

**hubby #3:** But srsly seungie what

**hubby #1:** if gyu was to have a crush on someone

**hubby #3:** Hao

**hubby #2:** minghao

**hubby #2:** and he likes him back

**hubby #3:** I don’t know why they haven’t just fucked and gotten it over and done with 

**hubby #1:** joshie, don’t the tiring trio hang out every now and then

**hubby #2:** jfc why so many qs

**hubby #3:** Yeah, they eat together a lot and often have boardgame nights

**hubby #1:** eye emoji 

**hubby #3:** You’re such a nerd

**hubby #3:** Why are you asking?

**hubby #2:** ^

**hubby #2:** cheol?

**hubby #2:** cheolie,,, the tea,,, pls

**hubby #3:** Did he really just drop “eye emoji” and leave?

**hubby #2:** hes starving the gays

**hubby #3:** I can remedy that

**hubby #2:** did your invite to eat your ass just involve the word remedy

**hubby #3:** You’re complaining?

**hubby #3:** nO

 

**_15:32 boogieing bois_ **

**crackhead:** okay so i talked to them and i can add them. we need a larger dance geoup anyway

**k(in/oo)k:** uh should we wait for the trio?

**owo:** like yeah but??? theyre mia

**k(in/oo)k:** hmm @gyuming97 where are you

**gyumdrop:** cute name but this fits gyeom more

**gyumdrop:** the three of us are hanging out with jun

**gyumdrop:** ahh i read up and yeah we dont care

 

@gyeomeo  _ added  _ @dingdongs  _ and  _ @jayyyhyun.

 

@gyeomeo  _ named  _ **winwinning** (@dingdongs),  **jaehet** (@jayyyhyun),  **gyeomdrop** (@gyeomeo),  **gyuppy** (@gyuming97),  **kooked** (@goldenclosetkook).

 

**winwinning:** lmao @ jae’s name

**jaehet:** i have three (3) boyfriends. i am the least het here.

**gyeomdrop:** its not a number, its a lifestyle

**kooked:** deep

**kooked:** also im like three bong rips deep, so like nicee

**owo:** im bambam in case the owo was misleading

**winwinning:** no im pretty sure thats accurate

**gyeomdrop:** OWNED AGHAHSJD SICHENG THE SAVAGE HAO IS QUAKING

**winwinning:** ooo is hao in here? bless up we stan

**jaehet:**  pleas. e e no

**jaehet:** i cant take those two in the same room

**gyeomdrop:** t e a ?

**owo:** ^

**kooked:** ^^

**gyuppy:** ^^^

**gyeomdrop:** lol gyu’s back

**gyuppy:** never left, this is more entertaining

**jaehet:** This Is Johnny. Shut The Fuck Up. Sicheng Threatened My Boyfriend. Now I Will Threaten You.

**owo:** y he typin in all caps like he isnt a soft baby

**jaehet:** uWu you mean that? hahshdhd ily bammie

**gyeomdrop:** :))))) wtf :))))))

 

**_15:55 fine china_ **

**dong:** lmao hao i can’t wait for this chat

**wen:** what’s up? we’re making dinner

**dong:** oh i was added to a 97 line chat and its hilarious

**dong:** but the main thing im anticipating is hao drooling over his precious little puppy

**wen:** lol i replayed what you said in mandarin and minghao almost burnt himself on the rice

**wen:** seokmin and mingyu are oveerrrrr

**dong:** cause some shit 

**wen:** yEs

**bestest boy:** please dont

**wen:** baby please

**xu:** why is yanan the only one who cares about my wellbeing?

**bestest boy:** you deserve love haoie! you’re so wonderful!

**dong:** i mean i agree but like i aint gunna stop the Wen Jun Hui from meddling

**dong:** what if it gets minghao the love of his life

**bestest boy:** oh good point, go for it love

**wen:** yANAN YES I LOVE YOU

**xu:** YANAN. N O !

 

**_15:56 why do people think we’re exclusively dom tops_ **

**pupper:** this is bearable

**doggo:** look i dont want to scare you away

**doggo:** but i think i know who it is

**doggo:** and i dont think you have anything to worry about

**doggo:** maybe if you just told him how you felt

**doggo:** maybe things could work out

**doggo:** silence never changes anything, and i hate to see you in this pain

**doggo:** it was tough before hannie and shua and i got together because we were scared into silence

**doggo:** but we talked it through, and we’re happier than ever

**doggo:** you deserve that happiness gyu

**doggo:** talk to minghao

**pupper:** Ha Ha You Think I Like Minghao? Where’d You Get That Idea From ???

 

**_16:03 boogieing bois_ **

**mother:** hey jae hey sicheng

**mother:** icb gyu hao and jun are all on their phones rn

**kooked:** those ungreatful bitches

**owo:** whores ill fight them! ill fight them all!

**gyeomdrop:** how DARE they disrespect the sun himself

**jaehet:** im fuckung ready lezgo

**gyuppy:** literally right here

**mother:** you were texting cheol a second ago

**gyuppy:** y-you got me there

**jaehet:** you’ll regret the breaths you didn’t appreciate 

**mother:** jae holy shit calm down im all g

**jaehet:** yay uwu

**m8:** wow so that happened

**m8:** hey newbies

**winwinning:** Hello Minghao

**m8:**

 

d o n t. 

 

**owo:** me when yugget opens my leftovers

**winwinning:** hao youre bOring

**winwinning:** so then, whats the plan for the special stage? we all showcase our talents in one? isnt that messy?

**mother:** whilst we can do that

**mother:** i was thinking if we stick to a dance, we can really show our cohesion

**owo:** yeah i thought that too

**gyeomdrop:** we can rap or sing on the track but not perform it i think

**m8:** choreo will still be hard

**kooked:** mingmingie i think thats the soectacle tho

**kooked:** all of our stylea blending together like indreagients in a sweatie limb filld soup

**gyuppy:** jungkook how high are you

**kooked:** 178 centimeats

**owo:** mood.

**gyeomdrop:** mood. 

**gyuppy:** mood.

**mother:** mood.

**m8:** mood.

**winwinning:** mood.

**jaehet:** LMAO RELATABLE

**winwinning:** this is why everyone thinks youre straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope it was okay! follow me on twitter @sweaterpawschan


	4. owo: that's it, that's the message.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minghao and mingyu share a showcase and don't share a lot of unspoken words. also jieqiong is all of us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um im back and on a roll wtf

**_16:28 lee chan love club_ **

**peasant:** do we have practice tonite gays

**jester:** soonyoung must you spell tonite like that

**peasant:** whore

**jester:** junhore to you,,,

**peasant:** so is that a yes or

**servant:** do we have to cos im so exhausted

**jester:** idk i dont kinda wanna

**king:** whats up?

**peasant:** channie babyyyyyyy

**servant:** do you wanna practice tonight channie?

**king:** hhh not really

**king:** ive gotta study i think

**jester:** we stan a hard working king

**servant:** yea we can afford a night off

**servant:** what do you need to study?

**king:** i have a construction management and an advanced engineering midterm

**jester:** you got this !!!!! youve worked so hard !!!!!

**king:** thankyou junnie

**peasanr:** CHANNIE YOU GOT THIS

**king:** soonshdhgshdjd

**king:** thankyou

**peasant:** do you want me to come over n helppp

**peasant:** wait

**peasant:** there’s a gathering at mine

**servant:** gathering?

**king:** i sure as fuck cant study with those troublesome two

**peasant:** plus vernon and mingyu

**jester:** oh ?? why are you all hanging out

**servant:** gyu didnt mention it? neither did seok?

**jester:** strange lmao

**jester:** dont you think minghao?

**peasant:** yeah i thought so too

**peasant:** seok said gyu was caught up on this jerk who apparently is dating someone??? idk the full story ill find out later i guess

**jester:** gyu??? liking someone??? inch arresting

**king:** aw thats shit im sorry he feels low

**king:** he should just focus on school for a bit

**jester:** yeah cos that made you happy

**king:** i

**peasant:** JUN YOURE SO MEAN

**king:** aggshshd no he rite!

**jester:** big mood

**king:** um youre literally dating

**jester:** What Ever Do You Mean?

**king:** yourself

**jester:** Thats What I Thought.

**peasant:** where did hao go

**jester:** bathroom

**jester:** gtg the boys are leaving

**jester:** good luck with studying channie!

 

**_16:40 MM_ **

**hao:** soonyoung told me you’re going over to his for dinner

**hao:** whats up with that

**hao:** i thought you were gunna come to my friend’s art show

**gyu:** ffs im in the toilet can it wait

**gyu:** wait

**gyu:** what

**hao:** you n the guys are hanging out

**hao:** apparently you were in need of some emotional support

**gyu:** lets drop that icy tone toward me and redirect it to soon who’s taken it upon himself to invite me over? without me knowing?

**hao:** wait what?

**gyu:** do you think kwan did this

**gyu:** god that dork

**hao:** didnt think you were that close

**gyu:** geez got something to share with the class?

**hao:** i mean its not a stretch right

**hao:** he’s short and pretty and loud

**hao:** maybe you need emotional support to get over your crush for a taken boy

**gyu:** minghao theres so much wrong with that

**gyu:** he’s my friend and vernon is too

**gyu:** are you even thinking before you type

**gyu:** now im pissed off

**hao:** join the fucking party

**gyu:** what have you got to be pissed at

**gyu:** youve been accusatory from the start

**hao:** with good reason

**hao:** yknow what dont worry

**hao:** go run off to your hyungs and cry over your precious kwannie

**gyu:** seungkwan’s obnoxious and doting and only vernon could love that

**gyu:** trust me he’s not my type

**gyu:** seriously what has gotten into you

**gyu:** they must have done this behind my back

**gyu:** at least they care enough to see that im going through some shit

**gyu:** unlike whatever the fuck approach you decided to take

**gyu:** oh my fucking god xu minghao youre so fucking dense

**hao:** yeah and youre the next fucking einstein

**gyu:** go fuck yourself

 

**_17:12 three musketeers_ **

**okiedokie:** jun and i are gunna lay the table

**okiedokie:** i can see hao in the livingroom about to punch a hole in the wall

**okiedokie:** i hate this can we just eat

 

**_17:14 MM_ **

**hao:** sicheng has worked his arse off for this opening

**gyu:** im not discrediting that but???

**gyu:** we barely know eachother?

**gyu:** who am i supposed to be lmao your date?

**hao:** yeah actually

**gyu:** why do you even need me there?

**gyu:** oh

**hao:** there’s a lot of influential people going, your dumb art history cynicism always helps to blunt the edge of my nerves

**hao:** plus like

**hao:** your hands are calming to hold or whatever

**hao:** it doesnt matter just go to the friend thing

**hao:** i can see if jun’s free

**gyu:** no

**gyu:** its okay i can not go

**gyu:** kwan will be happy to have my slices of pizza

**hao:** haha yeah

**gyu:** i dont like him hao

**hao:** ~~who do you like?~~

~~why do i care?~~

~~why wont you tell me?~~

~~what did i do?~~

~~why dont you like me?~~

~~who do you like over me?~~

~~why dont you share your life with me anymore?~~

i’ll get a confession out of you someday soon

**gyu:** oh ahaha

**gyu:** im sure you will

**gyu:** now lets eat

 

**_17:40 we put the gay in dGAYncer_ **

**snake s:** haoie we all good for tonight?

**snake s:** you better bring a hot friend i can hook up with

**snake s:** im not as nervous as i thought and like

**snake s:** idk it feels like thats cos of how youve helped me

**snake s:** i just blacked out for a second who was That Sentimental Bitch hshjd

**snake s:** ik im a snake but please reply damnit

**snake s:**  w h o r e

 

**_17:53 we have more lines in this fic than irl_ **

**hottie:** junnnnieeeeee

**thottie:** is everything ok? y r u texting me sichengie

**hottie:** mingwhore wont answer my texts

**hottie:** he hasnt confirmed if he can come

**thottie:** ofc he’s coming this is so huge

**thottie:** but he and gyu faught and then we ate so phones have been neglected lol

**thottie:** fought*

**hottie:** eek my otp

**hottie:** anygays tell him to contact me before i DIE

**hottie:** make sure he’s dressed hot

**thottie:** you dare doubt me like this

 

**_18:00 boogieing bois_ **

**mother:** this chat is SILENT woah

 

@seodkmin _named_ **trixie seokmintel** (@seodkmin).

 

**trixie seokmintel:** anygays minghao has An Event Planned so we going stylish

**owo:** slay me papi

**gyeomdrop:** im literally unprepared for this

**trixie seokmintel:** junnie is the one styling per request apparently

**winwinning:** per MY requestt this is MY event we goin HOT

**winwinning:** wait lame i have to go bye be hot hao

**m8:** sir yes sir

**owo:** kinky

**trixie seokmintel:** gyu had to go home to change even tho we’re hanging out later HomoPhobia

**gyuppy:** wait that was you? lmao no im minghao’s date for the showcase

**trixie seokmintel:** but movies and pizza :((((((( just for you :((((

**gyuppy:** damn im Booked! the lemingend jumped OUT!

**trixie seokmintel:** ill let the boys know :(((

**owo:** thats cool and all but what is our gay saviour wearing

**owo:** also why doesnt jun go with hao?

**m8:** i couldnt stand an hour with him gross

**owo:** you…. live together…..

**trixie seokmintel:** HOLY SHIT EAT MY TOE

**trixie seokmintel:** his,,,,; suit is,,,,,,,,, floral im so gay like charcoal background with vibrant floral

**trixie seokmintel:** oh god his shirt is crisp and white and like embellished and all i wanna do is run my hands down his chest

**trixie seokmintel:** full homo no romo

**gyeomdrop:** meEEEE

**kooked:** minghao please suck my dick with your thrussy

**trixie seokmintel:** that would be an event he’s wearing a charcoal choker with a gold flower pendant

**kooked:** SHIT LET ME EAT YOUR ASS

**owo:** minghao’s thrussy.

**owo:** that’s it, that’s the message.

**gyeomdrop:** uh

 

@gyeomeo _named_ **thaorussy** (@minghaoaboutno).

 

**thaorussy:** omg guys uwu ty!

**thaorussy:** gyu are you on your way back

**gyuppy:** yep almost here

  


**_18:30 booseoksoon_ **

**sock:** guys apparently gyu is busy tonight

**boot:** seok you know i love you but didnt you ask him before hand

**sock:** :< it was gunna be a surprise

**shoe:** aw bubbie! thats okay

**boot:** does that mean vern and my date is back on

**sock:** :/// i guess

**shoe:** minnie its okay! i can invite chan over and we can help him studyt and watch movies and cuddle

**shoe:** itll still be wonderful okay?

**shoe:** we can do our plan another timeeee

**sock:** hmph

 

**_18:39 boogieing bois_ **

**kooked:** so youre just gunna leave us hanging before we find out what gyu is wearing

**kooked:** homojungkookphobia

**owo:** yeah the readers wanna know

**gyeomdrop:** who?

**thaorussy:** um he looks nice

**thaorussy:** like really nice

**thaorussy:** his suit is charcoal with like exposed goldish threading and his shoes are sparkly ahaha

**thaorussy:** his hair is like curly in the way it is when he actually puts effort to style it

**thaorussy:** he’s not wearing a tie but the shirt he’s wearing has like a long tied collar which sits really well against his neck

**thaorussy:** so um yeah he looks nice

**owo:** big mood fellas

**kooked:** the biggest mood

**gyuppy:** ahshshjdj hao thanks

**gyuppy:** wait when did you do your makeup

**gyuppy:** it looks nice

**trixie seokmintel:** stop texting the uber is here just gO

 

**_19:32 we put the gay in dGAYncer_ **

**snake s:** wow you really didn’t disappoint huh

**snake s:** he’s so tall and broad

**snake s:** big nut

**snake s:** his tousled hair??? that suit??? is this your fault??? i c a nt

**snake s:** hollup he looks familiar is he from the studio

**snake m:** its mingyu omg shut up

**snake s:** BUT HE’S OFF LIMITS WHAT HAPPENED TO SETTING ME UP WITH YOUR HOT FRIENDS

**snake m:** oh my god shut up

**snake m:** pretty sure he’s single anyway

**snake s:** HOW HE’S SO FUCKING HOT

**snake s:** DID HE JUST CHARMING LAUGH FUCK OFF HAO HOW ARE YOU GUNNA SNATCH THAT PERFECT HEART

**snake m:** i cant you knwo that

**snake m:** and he’s not perfect shut up

**snake m:** ohmygod stop staring

**snake m:** youre literally drooling and smirking how

**snake m:** dont come over here no dont

**snake m:** wait jieqiong is here???

 

**_19:45 fine china_ **

**dong:** omg gays

**bestest boy:** literally busy rn sicheng

**wen:** god what do you want

**dong:** its abt hao and his pup

**bestest boy:** ,,,

**bestest boy:** go on

**dong:** jieqiong is here right

**dong:** and she’s talking to hao

**dong:** lmao gyu just gripped hao’s hand as jie went in for a hug big moof

**dong:** imma get closer and eavesdrop

**wen:** we should add her here i love ehr

**dong:** BITCHYSYDJJF

**dong:** “youre mingyu right? ive heard a lot about you”

**dong:** GYU IS LIKE SWEATING AND HAO IS TOO

**dong:** “congrats on finally shackling him, haoie, took you long enough”

**dong:** GYU IS LIEKDHSHDJ

**dong:** “im really happy for you two though, youre glowing together”

**dong:** “im sure everyone else is too, no longer having to deal with pining minghao ahaha”

**dong:** NO REMORSE

**dong:** GOOD LORD THEYRE TALKING ABT SCHOOL NOW BUT HAO DETACHED THEIR HANDS AND GYU JUST

**dong:** SLIPPED HIS PINKY INTO HAOS

**dong:** WE GOING GAYCITY

**dong:** she left them to go find her gf

**dong:** gyu’s going to the bar and hao grabbed his phone

**dong:** oh he's coming here lma

**xu:** dong sicheng

**dong:** FUCKISHSHDJFJSJS

 

**_20:14 three musketeers_ **

**oaf:** minnie im sorry for not going

**oaf:** are you still having fun?

**okiedokie:** its okay, go enjoy yourselves

**boutta kermit:** we’re waiting for the speeches to finish its okay

**okiedokie:** soonie invited chan over seeing as kwan went on a date instead

**okiedokie:** and we’re cuddling but theyre asleep so

**boutta kermit:** oh babyyyy im sorry dokie

**boutta kermit:** gyu lets sneak out and get ramen on the way home

**okiedokie:** ill be so bloated if i eat that this late

**oaf:** easy there gramps its only eight

**okiedokie:** just come after okay?

**boutta kermit:** too late already texted sicheng

**oaf:** we’re silently weaving to the back doors lol

**okiedokie:** sign the guest book for me

**oaf:** gotcha

**boutta kermit:** dOrk

**boutta kermit:** “art is skinny fuck anti-sicheng lives - seokiedokie”

**boutta kermit:** i hate us

**oaf:** mhm sure

**okiedokie:** sure you do

 

**_23:41 MM_ **

**hao:** gyu

**gyu:** wtf are you doing im like half a metre away

**hao:** ~~too embarrassed~~

dont wanna wake seok

**gyu:** lol ok

**gyu:** whats up

**hao:** thanks for coming tonight

**hao:** and for being my date and keeping me sane

**gyu:** of course, it was fun

**gyu:** ~~ill always want to be your date~~

~~i love pretending to be your boyfriend~~

~~maybe next time we can be dates for real~~

~~its easy to bask in your beauty~~

~~its easy when i love your company~~

~~its easy when i love you~~

anytime ^^

**hao:** good night

**hao:** ~~sweet dreams <3~~

sweet dreams

**gyu:** night

**gyu:** ~~dream of me <3~~

dream of me lmao

**hao:** ~~i will~~

you wish :P

**gyu:** ~~i do~~

goodnight dork

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commenting helps me know if people are actually reading this! also i want to draw the boys in their suits but im so busy with school itll probably take six months lmaOOOO // follow me and scream with me on twitter @sweaterpawschan


	5. bsk: A Homie Going Through a Lot Rn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mingyu takes more than the pharmaceutically prescribed dose of Loving Minghao Pills, and minghao keeps sipping Denial Juice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe i broke the 2 chapters at a time curse and maybe i felt bad abt the angst so i served you 89% fluff? maybe?

**_0:12 tom n jerry_ **

**kmg:** boo

**kmg:** boo seungkwan

**kmg:** help

**bsk:** shit whats wrong

**bsk:** are you okay? im out with vern but we’re close enough to home to get you

**kmg:** no im fine its just

**kmg:** im in love

**bsk:** and my arse is the eight wonder of the world

**bsk:** is that supposed to be news

**kmg:** no,,, kwan,,, im in l o v e

**bsk:** yes,,, we all know,,,

**bsk:** i can’t believe you stopped my karaoke for this bullshit

**bsk:** hhhh sol is ordering our drinks youve got five (5) minutes

**kmg:** i went as minghao’s date to a gallery opening and he looked so breathtaking and it was so gorgeous to watch him in his element and networking and just so professional and then his friend came up to chat which was okay but they were really close so i got kinda jealous but then she assumed we were together and kept saying stuff like finally and how nice it must be to have hao stop pining and we held hands the whole night and he leant on my shoulder when he laughed at my jokes and we ditched at the end to go give seokmin cuddles and we ran like teenagers to a convenience store and he grabbed my favourite milk tea from the fridge without even asking and we ate ramyeon on the couch next to seokmin bc the other couch was occupied by soon and chan and at one point he thumbed away some broth from my cheek and now he’s asleep against my shoulder on this cramped couch and my brain is just a bunch of sirens screaming minghao help

**bsk:** you really used your five minutes to type that

**bsk:** did you even want my imput or just wanted to scream

**kmg:** tbh idk,,,

**kmg:** anygays im tired now, enjoy vern’s duck

**kmg:** i wont even correct that typo tbh

**bsk:** duck you kim mingyu

 

**_8:12 three musketeers_ **

**okiedokie:** you two are so cute all cuddled up

**okiedokie:** im glad the fight didnt mess things up too bad

**okiedokie:** when you wake up there’s breakfast in the oven

**okiedokie:** soon took chan to his dorm when they woke up and now is on his way to yours gyu, and vern is over with kwan

**okiedokie:** i texted jun to let him know you were here hao, and wonu abt you gyu

**okiedokie:** ive got a lecture soon but feel free to stay or leave, boo doesnt have class til later

**okiedokie:** love you

 

**_9:03 fine china_ **

**wen:** apparently theyre cuddling

**dong:** they as in

**wen:** yep,,, fast asleep and cuddling

**dong:** ugh we stan

 

**_9:34 tom n jerry_ **

**bsk:** are you two decent?

**bsk:** is it safe to leave my room yet?

**bsk:** omg did you guys kill eachother instantaneously is that why its quiet?

**kmg:** oshdjd whsts uo

**kmg:** whats up*

**bsk:** you, finally

**bsk:** can we come eat or are you naked

**kmg:** SHSHSHD WHY WOULD I BE NAKED

**bsk:** not just you, both of you

**kmg:** THAT DOENSTB MAKE MOEE SENSE

**bsk:** you were so in love last night

**bsk:** thought you mightve put your dick courage to good use

**kmg:** liteeally die in a hole

**kmg:** you can emerge as long as youre silent

**bsk:** who me???? silent??????

**kmg:** hao’s barely slept this past fucking month and he’s so out to it rn

**kmg:** seok left breakfast in the oven can you just take it back to your room?

**bsk:** one) literally my house. i pay rent here, do you? didnt think so!

**bsk:** two) thats so fucjing adorable imma cry youre so gAy

**bsk:** three) seokmin already told abt the eggs when he came in to say goodbye cos you know we’re roommates who live here and pAY RENT

**bsk:** four) so is he like? sleeping well cos he’s next to you or?

**kmg:** ffs you done?

**bsk:** five) no

**bsk:** six) he can probably sleep through us in the kitchen if he slept through earlier

**kmg:** why did you have sex while we slept on the couch

**bsk:** gee idk maybe cos I LIVE HERE

**kmg:** can you give the phone to vernon

**bsk:** fine

**bsk:** ya

**kmg:** can you leave kwan in there and come collect dinner cos he’ll give me shit for my current positioning

**bsk:** no probs bro but he can read this

**kmg:** right well i guess ill see you two in a sec then

 

**_9:40 three musketeers_ **

**oaf:** seokie youre the best

**oaf:** good luck with classes we’ll meet you in the studio later

 

**_9:41 tom n jerry_ **

**bsk:** i

**kmg:** plsdont,,,

**kmg:** i can see your smirk from the end of the hallway dont

**kmg:** vernon control your man

**bsk:** i cant even believe this,,, your tangled legs

**kmg:** Imma Be Real With You Chief,

**kmg:** neither can i

**bsk:** his hAnd curled into your collar!

**kmg:** iknow

**bsk:** his nose in your neck!

**kmg:** iknowiknow

**bsk:** is his,,,, other hand holding yours

**kmg:** iknowiknowiknow

**bsk:** solie we dont even cuddle on the couch like that anymore

**kmg:** yes you do lmao

**bsk:** still , but the fact that a comparison is feasible

**kmg:** i knOw

**kmg:** Figure One: A Homie

**kmg:** Figure Two: A Lot

**kmg:** Figure Three:

**bsk:** A Homie Going Through A Lot Rn

**kmg:** get your eggs before he wakes up

**bsk:** you just wanna cuddle him closer and smell his hair

**kmg:** IT SMELLS REALLY NICE OKAY

**kmg:** rEGARDLESS

**kmg:** please seungkwan

**bsk:** he used the p word oh my

**kmg:** WAS THAT THE COFFEE MACHINE BEEPING

**bsk:** istg vernon

**kmg:** VRENON

**bsk:** wait this will be cute

**bsk:** he just,,, groaned,,,, and nUzzled closer

**bsk:** dont drop your phone in favour of stroking his hair

**bsk:** dont fuckin KISS HIS FOREHEAD KIM MIN GYU

**bsk:** omg dont glare at me,,,

**bsk:** f i n e

**bsk:** ill get vernon to wait for coffee

**bsk:** tell me when your princess wakes up

**bsk:** or are you gunna give the sleeping beauty a kiss to wake him

**bsk:** oh so noW im worthy of a reply huh

**kmg:** literally the heat of my blush will wake him stfu

**bsk:** too late apparently holding your hand was the trance

**kmg:** shit

**bsk:** im typing out this exchange just so you can add something to your emotional-spank bank

**bsk:** his fringe is down and messy and youre fixing it as he lifts his head

**bsk:** he grumbled something that sounded like ‘happy here’ wtf cute

**bsk:** he’s blinking up at you and your fringe fixing hands jUst loopEd aeound his neck?

**bsk:** wait are you gunna kiss him????

**bsk:** how are you so calm doeS THIS REGULARLY HAPPEN

**bsk:** no kiss just eye contact

**bsk:** ‘hey there sleepy head, do you wanna keep sleeping?’

**bsk:** ‘mmkinda, gottoo do thingstho’

**bsk:** his limbs are becoming functional,,, just smoothed out the wrinkle his grip caused on your shirt going death

**bsk:** ‘just sleep hao’

**bsk:** SOFTEST EYEROLL YOU DIED

**bsk:** ‘im awake now enough of that’

**bsk:** yall just gunna stare all day or

**bsk:** hao stretched but your hands went with him omg

**bsk:** dont look up at him like that your smile is too close to his d

**bsk:** DID YOU LAY YOUR CHIN ON HIS STOMACH TO LOOK UP AT HIM OMH

**bsk:** did he ask what was the noise that woke him up

**bsk:** hES LOOKING AROUND ABORT MISSION

**bsk:** solie finished his coffee making bye enjoy the gay

**kmg:** i hate you why did you do that

**bsk:** i just saw you screenshot it

**kmg:** fuck o f f

**bsk:** aiGht im going

 

**_10:01 three musketeers_ **

**boutta kermit:** dokieeeee

**boutta kermit:** youre out of milk sorry

**boutta kermit:** thankyou for the eggs tho, gyu is reheating them rn

**okiedokie:** okiedokie

**okiedokie:** did you just wake up ?

**boutta kermit:** yeah actually! longest sleep ive had in Months

**okiedokie:** holy shit!!!!! awesome!!!!!

**boutta kermit:** lmao ikr

**okiedokie:** maybe you should move in with gyu to have a permanent cuddle buddy

**okiedokie:** you might sleep more haha

**boutta kermit:** gyu is giving me Eyes for gossiping when he’s prepped food ttyl

**okiedokie:** we werent even gossiping

**okiedokie:** waIT HE DIDNT EVEN MAKE THE FOOD

 

**_10:24 boogieing bois_ **

**kooked:** good news lads! we have a track! obvi its only a demo but yoongs and jihoon apparently whipped something up for us and as an extra credit for class so! we going dance!

**jaehet:** yugyeom told us we’ll all flesh it out with vocals etc? thats gunna be lit af

**gyeomdrop:** FUCK YESSSSS

**gyeomdrop:** we all have studio hours tonight rigjt?

**gyeomdrop:** lets meet from 6 okay?

**gyeomdrop:** whoever can show up, do show up!

**owo:** youre so hot when you take charge

**jaehet:** get a room lol

**gyeomdrop:** oh no we’re not together ahah

**owo:** lmao imagine

**kooked:** i seriously cant anymore

**kooked:** anygays hope you all have a good day time to go teach thirteen year olds to slut drop the correct way

**jaehet:** how does he still have a job

**owo:** honestly im not sure he does

**gyeomdrop:** tbh he probably just shows up

**jaehet:** unsurprisded

**kooked:** go suck taeyongs ass

**kooked:** eat his dick

**jaehet:** you tried. 

**kooked:** this is bullying where are my favourite boys

**owo:** here!

**gyeomdrop:** right here!

**kooked:** no not you

**kooked:** @gyuming97 where

**gyuppy:** wot

**kooked:** my sunshine trio are missing :((

**gyuppy:** seokie has class and hao and i just had breakfast and are doing the dishes

**thaorussy:** dont let him escape hoe

**kooked:** but i miss youuuuuu

**gyuppy:** gross bye

**thaorussy:** see he loves me more

**gyuppy:** true

**winwinning: (** WHEEZE.)

**jaehet:** owo

**owo:** oWo?

**winwinning:** they were mistaken for a couple at my art class’ gallery opening yesterday and im just owo maybe they are

**kooked:** lmaGSGSHHDJ

**kooked:** ahshhdhdjsh imagine

**owo:** ahahhahshah hao is love sick for that one boy tho remember

**gyeomdrop:** they fight all the timeshshsj

**owo:** yeha they bicker like a married couple

**kooked:** wait

**owo:** owo

**gyeomdrop:** thats not a difficult stretch i guess, if they didnt havev crushes already

**winwinning:** i think it was cos mingyu was hao’s plus one

**kooked:** ahhhh gotcha

**jaehet:** chengie how was it?

**winwinning:** omg so good? like curation and gallery management is what i want to go into so im so glad we got to have a showcase of that to give me a taste of it

**kooked:** thats so awesome winwin omg

**gyeomdrop:** thats so cool im nut

 

**_10:59 fine china_ **

**xu:** i despise you dong sicheng

**wen:** lmao wat he do

**xu:** fucking brought uo my crush in the gc like itts nothing

**xu:** sicheng what the fucck

**dong:** lighthearted fun

**xu:** no not light hearted fun

**xu:** heavy hearted struggles

**xu:** its awkward now and im just sitting in seok’s room and we have to practice later

**dong:** not to be a shithead

**dong:** but you will continue to suffer if you never tell him

**dong:** heartbreak via rejection is better than suffering for eternity

**xu:** uh debatable

**wen:** he’s right haoie, you dont deserve to put yourself through this

**xu:** sappy gross shit while im angry

**xu:** youre really trying to pull that off

**wen:** dramatic gay just tell him

**xu:** yall hear summ?

**dong:** minghao seriously

**xu:** y a l l h e a r s u m m ?

 

**_10:59 New Chat_ **

 

@gyuming97  _ added  _ @scoupschoi, @boofromjeju,  _ and  _ @seodkmin.

 

@gyuming97  _ changed the chat name to  _ **_help a helpless gay._ **

 

@gyuming97  _ named  _ **baby gay** (@gyuming97),  **papa gay** (@scoupschoi),  **nosy gay** (@boofromjeju),  _ and  _ **cupid** (@seodkmin).

 

**cupid:** why does my username imply im straight

**baby gay:** you have class go pay attention

**cupid:** party pooper

**papa gay:** so you told seungkwan

**nosy gay:** dont give him credit i worked it out

**nosy gay:** i didnt know he had told you?

**papa gay:** lmao he didnt tell me about minghao i worked that out on my own

**baby gay:** we gEt it,,, im oBvious

**nosy gay:** how long have you liked him tho? cos youve only been obnoxiously obvious recently

**papa gay:** yeah true

**baby gay:** oh idk

**baby gay:** a while

**cupid:** he worked it out like a year ago

**cupid:** i think he’s been crushing for two tho

**baby gay:** SEOKMIN GO TO CLASS

**papa gay:** holy shit confess already

**papa gay:** even im not that dysfunctional

**baby gay:** can you read the chat name

**baby gay:** if i could i would

**baby gay:** but i think he’s dating someone now and we’re in aNother gc together and its just been A Lot

**nosy gay:** okay but like? you seemed pretty romantic this morning??

**nosy gay:** are you positive you arent dating already???

**papa gay:** what happened this morning wtf

**papa gay:** you were so stressed yesterday

**baby gay:** yeah but then i went to a showcase as hao’s date and we cuddled on seok’s couch to sleep

**papa gay:**  genuinely why does this chat exist, just kiss him and tell him you love him 

**baby gay:** its complicateddddd

**nosy gay:** so is that regular then? the cuddling and eye contact and soft touches

**baby gay:**  hhh idk i feel like it is?

**cupid:** yeah cos theyre practically dating??

**baby gay:**  sEOKMIN ISTG

**cupid:** i think you know deep in your heart im right

**baby gay:** he’s starting to date someone else please stop teasing me

**papa gay:**  i doubt that but whatever who is it?

**nosy gay:** you literally went as his plus one he’s not dating anyone

**baby gay:** jun i think

**baby gay:** he was gushing in the gc and idk who else it couldve been

**nosy gay:** i take it back this gc is so valid

**nosy gay:** jun hasnt been public about it but i know because he told chan

**nosy gay:** i probably shouldnt say but i will, just dont spread it please

**nosy gay:** cheol dont tell those siamese cats theyll tell everyone and seok dont let it get to soon

**nosy gay:** but jun literally has a boyfriend.

**nosy gay:** and it certainly isnt minghao lmao

**cupid:** i scrolled back and read the chat that hao sent, “so bright”, “infectious smile” “with him constantly but still crave his presence”

**papa gay:** thats… not jun... their schedules barely link up and hao’s free time is spent with you...

**papa gay:** you idiot mingyu. he likes YOU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thankyou for all the feedback woah its good to know whats being enjoyed ahhahaha sorry if i havent replied yet ive been Stressed but ive read them all and they made me smile.  
> as always follow me on twt @sweaterpawschan and yell @ me abt this and how to improve!


	6. zhou: why are men so fucking dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the eventful day ends with the changing and making of plans.

 

@gyumin97 _deleted the_ **help a helpless gay** _chat_.

****

**_11:23 boogieing bois_ **

**gyuppy: @** seoDKmin we’re both leaving yours now

 **thaorussy:** you live Across the hall

 **gyuppy:** a n d ?

 **gyuppy:** anygays yep all three of us will be at the studio by like 3ish?

 **kooked:** fuckin lit i missed your tall ass

 **jaehet:** youre very high arent you

 **kooked:** mhm im on the roof

 **gyuppy:** dont fall silly!

 **kooked:** i SHANT

 **gyuppy:** see you later kookie!

 **kooked:** yayyyy

****

**_13:28 fine china_ **

**dong:** attention assorted gays!

****

@dingdongs _added_ @kyulkyung.

****

@dingdongs _named_ **zhou** (@kyulkyung).

****

**zhou:** whats up males!

 **zhou:** chengie who’s in this chat again

 **xu:** me n jun n yanan

 **zhou:** baby hao!

 **xu:** i am a year older than you jieqiong

 **dong:** yeet thanks for coming yesterday you two

 **zhou:** chengie of course it was incredible

 **zhou:** im so proud of you

 **dong:** are you gunna come to my drag show next month

 **wen:** that sounds like my sort of event

 **bestest:** junnie phone away we’re doing important paper work

 **xu:** for what?

 **wen:** a secret

 **bestest:** we’re moving in togetherrrrr

 **wen:** um

 **xu:**???? i literally live with you jun what

 **xu:** jun explain now

 **wen:** s o

 **wen:** i was thinking of moving in with yanan and maybe you can move too?

 **wen:** at the end of our lease of course

 **xu:** i was expecting when you said you were looking at flats last week it was for us???????? um??????

 **wen:** i can help you but,,, yanan and i have been together for a long time and you know he spends more time at ours than his own flat

 **xu:** he lives alone in a shoe box

 **bestest boy:** :((( i like my flat

 **xu:** sorry yanan :/ its true tho

 **bestest boy:** hmph i guess

 **zhou:** ik its not my place but why dont you move in with gyu?

 **zhou:** if junnie is gunna live with his boyf you should too

 **wen:** HDHDJDJSHJDJDJDHJF

 **dong:** who’s gunna tell her

 **bestest boy:** theyre not together jie

 **zhou:** IM SORRY WHAT

 **zhou:** uhhhh im a lesbian and even i felt the jealousy radiating of that hunk of golden meat when we hugged hao

 **wen:** askskdkalahsksksk im fcuking wheezing

 **zhou:** and yall with your staRes and your SMileS

 **dong:** ruthless! no mercy!

 **xu:** ohmfycjinggod

 **zhou:** sorry to be blunt hao but wed that man before his balls burst

 **zhou:** why are men so fucking dumb

 **zhou:** this is why im gay

 **xu:** i

 **wen:** this is the greatest day of my life

 **xu:** alrighty then.

 **wen:** actually wait she has a point

 **dong:** his balls are close to bursting yes

 **wen:** why dont you move in with gyu?

 **xu:** jun i swear

 **wen:** wait nah hear me out

 **xu:** gross no bye

 **wen:** wonu was talking to me abt their lease

 **wen:** maybe!! theres a chance!

 **wen:** also theres two of them in a three bedroom? it makes sense

 **xu:** how about you two move in there then huh

 **wen:** wait

 **wen:** baby do you wanna renew the lease and live at mine

 **zhou:** wtf why do you call hao baby

 **bestest boy:** if haoie wants to move out, that’d be literally ideal

 **bestest boy:** i love you junnie

 **wen:** come back to bed i want cuddles :/

 **xu:** um gays?

 **xu:** housing crisis here???

 **dong:** ffs hao just move in with gyu and fuck and then shut the fuck up

 **xu:** winwin are you… are you…. getting your dick sucked?

 **dong:** [maybe_so.gif]

 **zhou:** late lunch

 **xu:** why does it matter if i do ask? gyu will say no

 **wen:** if he says no, ill smear shenzhen hot sauce on my dick and make yanan suck me off

 **bestest boy:** i breathed? don't drag me into this

 **wen:** fiNe ill suck my own hot sauce dick

 **bestest boy:** shit i

 **zhou:** holy shit jun you can do that???

 **bestest boy:** one of his most impressive stunts

 **zhou:** gays be wildin

 **xu:** why are you so certain he’ll say yes

 **zhou:** oh hao

 **wen:** seriously

 **bestest boy:** did you forget he’s in love with you?

 **xu:** he aint but go off

 **wen:** fine. if he agrees within 15 minutes, will you believe he loves you

 **xu:** i should hope he loves me, but he isn’t in love with me. its not romantic.

 **wen:** i hate your pedanticism

 **wen:** if he agrees within 15min, will you agree he’s IN love with you

 **xu:** lmao sure cos it wont happen.

 **zhou:** mmmm sure jan

****

**_14:02 MM_ **

**hao:** lol gyu you wont believe this

 **gyu:** shit did you leave something at seok’s

 **hao:** nah its all good but

 **hao:** yanan’s moving in to mine, and i don't want to live in a love nest, so ive got to find somewhere to live and quick lmao

 **gyu:** yanan? he goes to the studio right? i didnt know he and jun are close friends

 **hao:** …. ???

 **hao:** jun’s boyfriend, yanan

 **gyu:** that’s who jun is dating?????

 **hao:** lmao theyve been dating for like the whole year?

 **gyu:** what the fuck????

****

**_14:09 fine china_ **

**wen:** halfway there now

 **xu:** pause the timer

 **wen:** hOLY SHIT THATS QUICK

 **xu:** no he

 **xu:** he didnt know about yanan?

 **xu:** like??? he didnt know abt you two being together

 **wen:** well um? did you tell him

 **xu:** i guess the fuck not

 **zhou:** lesbians are so tame what the fuck

 **zhou:** how do you go so hard you forget to tell your bff about your other bff’s boyf

 **zhou:** so many men

 **xu:** im going througha. lot

 **wen:** its 2:11pm the timer is restarting

****

**_14:11 MM_ **

**gyu:** hao?

 **hao:** yeah sorry im back

 **hao:** shdhjd im sorry i forgot to tell you

 **hao:** i figured you knew

 **gyu:** even i know im dense hao

 **hao:** well youre not wrong

 **gyu:** whore

 **gyu:** so theyre kicking you out?

 **gyu:** i can get wonu’s dad to find a good flat for you if thats what youre asking

 **hao:** ~~oh i was kinda hoping~~

~~i had a random idea~~

~~jun suggested~~

~~yknow how theres a spare~~

~~no pressure but~~

~~this is a lot but~~

um yeah okay

 **gyu:** itd be cool if you could live here tho

 **gyu:** pretty sure wonu wouldnt mind the ease on the rent

 **gyu:** we shouldntve gotten a three bed without a third roomie anyways

 **gyu:** but no pressure, i can give you time to think over it?

 **hao:** gyu you fucking legend

 **hao:** ~~i love you~~

fuck gyu thankyou

 **hao:** ~~i love you gyu~~

thatd be perfect

 **hao:** ~~kim mingyu i truly love you~~

uh idk when they plan on moving but ill get details?

 **hao:** ~~i love you with my whole heart~~

all i own are clothes and art supplies so it shouldnt be much

 **hao:** ~~im so in love with you~~

i can be closer to uni and the studio and seokie

 **hao:** ~~and you~~

and you

 **gyu:** of course hao, anything for you

****

**_14:26 fine china_ **

**wen:** hao?

 **xu:** i cant lie

 **xu:** he offered. he o f f e r e d before my pathetic ass could phrase the question

 **xu:** im so hopelessly in love with him

 **zhou:** intellectual we stan

 **wen:** youve never been this serious abt emotional stuff and i would be offended but im genuinely so happy rn

 **bestest boy:** go get him minghao!

 **xu:** jfdhgdgf thanks guys but i gtg

 **xu:** time to uhhh moisturize my eyes

****

**_14:26 New Chat_ **

****

@gyuming97 _added_ @scoupschoi, @boofromjeju, _and_ @seodkmin.

****

@gyuming97 _changed the chat name to_ **_heLp._ **

****

@gyuming97 _named_ **h** (@gyuming97), **e** (@scoupschoi), **L** (@boofromjeju), _and_ **p** (@seodkmin).

****

**L:** you

 **L:** you just deleted this chat

 **L:** like 3hrs ago

 **h:** that was before hao told me jun is dating yanan and that theyre moving in together and befORE I OFFERED FOR HIM TO LIVE WITH ME

 **L:** you knew they werent dating

 **h:** but i didnt knOw for sure okay

 **L:** so when’s he moving in next door

 **h:** idk but its soon and im scared shitless

 **L:** you should ask him to stay over a lot until his lease ends to see if it suits him

 **L:** might get stea m y

 **h:** i hate you

 **h:** but ill do that

 **L:** you wont even need to furnish the third bedroom, he can just sleep in yours for post coital cuddles and morning blowjobs

 **h:** oh yn mgido

 **L:** you have a studio session like,,, now

 **L:** good luck with your boner while you watch hao dance and sweat

 **h:** i DONT HVAE A BONRE

 **h:** FUCK O F. FBYE

 

@gyumin97 _deleted the_ **heLp** _chat_.

****

**_20:36 three musketeers_ **

**okiedokie:** hao did you get home safe from the studio

 **boutta kermit:** you watched me get on the bus

 **okiedokie:** still!

 **boutta kermit:** yeah yeah im all good

 **boutta kermit:** jun made yanan and i chinese hotpot to cheer us up

 **oaf:** seok did you know about yanan

 **okiedokie:** hmm?

 **okiedokie:** like yanan and jun dating?

 **okiedokie:** vaguely? lol

 **oaf:** hmphhh

 **boutta kermit:** oh! seok i forgot to tell you

 **oaf:** he’s probably gunna move in with wonu and i

 **boutta kermit:** im hoping to move in next door!

 **boutta kermit:** yanan wants to take my place in the flat and idm cos he’s already always there anyway

 **okiedokie:** AAAAAAAAAHHH thats SO COOL! we can finally stay up later without worrying about you having to go home late and we can share meals more and see eachother between our schedules

 **okiedokie:** im so happy for you hao. this will definitely bring us closer together

 **oaf:** haha yep

 **boutta kermit:** definitely.

****

**_21:58 XMH to XMH_ **

**Me:** To Do List;

 **Me:** choreograph second verse

 **Me:** write lines for bridge

 **Me:** record harmonies for gyu’s riff solo

 **Me:** finalise formations for THH2 class

 **Me:** scaffold draft for dev psych midterm

 **Me:** get grocery list from jun

 **Me:** pack boxes in case yanan moves in

 **Me:** discuss rent with wonwoo and gyu

 **Me:** try not to confess undying love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on twitter @kinglychan (where hopefully ill post some illustrations of this fic soon), hope you liked this dumb thing, tell me what you think below, okay bye

**Author's Note:**

> twitter kpop: [@sweaterpawschan](https://twitter.com/sweaterpawschan/) (side pairing polls posted here!)
> 
> thanks for reading and lmk if this is something you guys like, ily


End file.
